sue123's Cancer Blog
June 30, 2007
| being brave.... | Views: 1516 |
When you find yourself in an ‘uncomfortable’ situation, it doesn’t mean you’re necessarily ‘brave’. You are probably scared to death. People/friends always seem to ‘remind’ you what an ‘inspiration’ you are and how much ‘courage’ you have. But, really your screaming inside, you hate being sick, you hate being there having to fight this endless battle. It bothers you that your friends think your an inspiration and have extra courage because we are sick. You try and hide, but there is no place to hide. You do not want to explain your situation to everyone day after day over and over.. You don’t want pity, but you do want compassion…real compassion and kindness that we give everyone healthy or sick…nothing extra because…we just want to be (treated)as we were before all this crap started.
People mean well, they just do not know what else to say. Sometime I wish they would just say how sorry they are (once) that we are sick and fighting for our lives everyday, and give us a big hug. Many people do this, but many more just compliment on how brave and inspiring we are over and over. I don’t feel brave and inspiring though…inside I am scared to death, outside I am not asking for others to actually know this… and I pray they never need to go through this.
Yes, we want them to be there for us. (But) we want to be the old friend before we got ill. We want to be treated as we are not ill, we want our old lives back…we do not want our friends to be sittings there on pins and needles afraid to say certain things…like what will be happing years from now with grandchildren etc…..(BUT) I want to talk about these things wheater I will be here to experience them or not. I want to be involved in the future too..I plan on being here!
Last night my husband Bill and I had a very nice, fun anniversary dinner out. We had friends join us and we had so much fun and good food. Afterwards we joined our neighbors for a BBQ Birthday party across the street from us. We had a lot of fun talking, catching up with everyone, and ate more! Gosh, it feels so good to have an appetite when I am off chemo. I have a few more days, so I will take full advantage. Today we are going to a car cruise/show. Bill has an old car (1963 corvette, split window—his baby that he has restored over the last 12 years) we like to take long rides out in the country and go to car shows.
It is another beautiful day so I an elated!
Feel well..
08.16.08 - 
Thanks for your support -
Sue! I think your post was will put. Some times you wish that people would treat you as if you were as healthy as the rest of them. I’m sorry is the words used , when we don’t know what else to say.
So when they say I am sorry, say so am I, Let’s Change the subject to something that will make me Smile.
With love Sherri
Good advice Sherri! Thanks I will use it. Sure beats all the explaing. :-)
Hi Sue,
I read your blog post about not wanting to be considered brave or an inspiration.
I think you are wrong, and whether or not it is my place to express this, here I go.
You say you are not brave. You are not any kind of inspiration. But have you got any idea of how many people with your diagnosis just go to bed, curl up in a ball, pull the covers over their head, and wait to die? What? That’s what you feel like doing? Hmmm, and yet you plan showers and go to BBQ’s with friends and shop at Target during off-chemo times. And what do you suppose makes you different from those wimps who curl up and wait to die? Could it be…..oh, I don’t know…..courage??????
Humility is a wonderful thing. “Oh, pish tosh, I’m no different, I’m not special, I’m cowering in the corner” is a good way to relate to others who might actually be cowering in the corner and need company. But…... they aren’t out enjoying an evening with neighbors, taking a little time off from the scary future they may be facing. No, they are in the corner, or in bed with the covers pulled over their heads. Are you ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN you want to align yourself with them? Are you ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that if someone refers to you as brave and inspiring you want to push them away, instead of saying “Well, hell yes, I am brave! It’s tough but it’s my life and I will not give it up without a fight! I have a future, I have things to live for, I AM NOT DONE HERE YET!”
Oh, sorry, those are things that brave and inspiring people say.
So….what are you saying?
..........
OK, I GUESS I AM BRAVE—THANK YOU MY FRIEND.